The Plaintiff: A large blue elephant slide, ever so generously donated to AJ from cousins Julia and Nate. This pachyderm is accused of allowing the defendant to fall from the second step landing forehead first on the cold, hard ground, sustaining cry and whimper-worthy injuries.
The Defendant: Alexander James (AKA: AJ, me). He is accusing the plaintiff of negligence for not informing him ahead of time that it's not wise to go down the stairs backwards and that jumping from the second step is not advised. AJ sustained these lovely bumps and bruises, not to mention the emotional embarrassment of crying in front of his cousins. There's nothing worse than blowing his cover of ultra 'coolness'.
Who's really guilty? MOMMY and DADDY! Who puts a slide on the patio and not the soft grass? Hello--I'm still little and fall all the time. Duh.Hey wait. Who selected this cute photo of Mommy and Daddy. Back in the days before I arrived to spice up their lives. Let's pick some better incriminating photos to punish them for their wrong doing-
Ahh, my favorite photo of Mommy. She sure looks like hell warmed over, doesn't she? I guess she was in labor with me at the time. Likely excuse.
And look at Daddy. He looks CRAZY! I guess I do tend to have that effect on people.Okay, I've had my revenge. I think I had my revenge on the day I fell. Mommy was really scared because I wasn't really crying, just whimpering and I looked all lethargic. Luckily Auntie Rasa was there (she's very experienced in the art of caring for fallen children--Jakie and Lily are daredevils and my mentors). She knew the fine art of looking in my pupils for equality. Then she did the perfect thing--she gave me Goldfish crackers. I stopped whimpering INSTANTLY. My parents have a lot to learn.
Amateurs.
PS: Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My publisher (Mommy) and Daddy have been quite sick with some tuberculosis-type-bug. They are better now. Thankfully I didn't get very sick, just a booger nose which I enjoy rubbing on everyone--more revenge.
3 comments:
AJ-as a witness for the Defendant you did an EXCELLENT job of freaking your mommy out. They will become immune to crying over boo-boos pretty quickly, so get the most out of your falls while you can!
AJ-as a witness for the Defendant you did an EXCELLENT job of freaking your mommy out. They will become immune to crying over boo-boos pretty quickly, so get the most out of your falls while you can!
Oh wow, that looks exactly like the blue elephant slide that I grew up with in Milton, MA complete with a missing eye and the broken tusk. I had to do a double take when I did a google image search for "elephant slide" and saw something so similar to something out of my childhood. - NW
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